Three years on

Sunday 6th June will mark three years since Jo died in my arms. A very sad day - but a welcome relief to her suffering, I think.

Each time this date rolls around, I feel the pressure to mark it in some way. At the same time, it feels strange to do this - mark what was a very sad day, rather than a happier one, like our wedding anniversary or her birthday.

Hopefully, the sun will shine and Harvey and I can go down to the beach and meet our friends, and just be together. There's also a music festival on in town, which would be nice to attend. Fitting too, given that Jo was a music teacher. By chance, I found out that it is being organised by a friend's parents - one of whom made Jo's wedding dress.

Last year, there were full on gales and we were lashed by rain - so lots of happy thoughts please, to keep the raingods at bay.

I also have about 20 Chinese lanterns that have yet to be launched. I have tried a few times - but so far have almost set a telegraph pole, the neighbour's house, a field of dry grass and myself on fire. Hopefully, the wind won't be too strong and we can do them on Sunday night?

Next year, this day falls on a Monday. Maybe that will remove the feeling of pressure to do something (which is all internal by the way).

What makes all this so much easier, is having someone to talk about it - someone who understands EXACTLY what I mean. She has kept me sane for the last two and a half years, and I love her a great deal. My island princess, x

You decide . . . . .

I'm giving serious thought to becoming an online version of The Dice Man.

This would consist of me creating online polls for all of my major life and parenting decisions, and then letting everyone who wants to vote on them.

This way, it can never be my fault.

To start this process - yes or no - do I do it? Comment now.

Any last requests?

I'm having my party on Saturday - and to add to the fancy-dress fun I have organised a karaoke.

This post is to ask - do you have any song requests? I might even post video of the chaos!

So, it’s my birthday soon . . .

List of wants:

• an underwater car (an estate version)
• a helicopter (and landing pads)
• a jet pack
• a bridge
  (not greedy – any of those four would be great)
• an hour for lunch every day
• a gym at work
• enough guilt to make sure i use the gym every day, during lunch, at work
• an au pair. For H, not me! Well, OK – for me – so I can go to the festival in June without him (sorry H)
• a term-time contract that pays the same as I am paid now
• everyone to have a great time at my party

First past the post

Too many friends read my other blog - and it's had its day I think - but with the need to still sometimes blather on, I've started this place for my nonsense.

This might be the one and only mind dump - but I need to get stuff off my chest.

I was invited out for a curry with friends last night. This was great, a lovely night - not too late - not too much beer. But . . . .

It was a table full of 'normal' family folk - Dads and Mums, with kids at home. Just me as the odd one out. I'm used to being the only person flying solo on nights out, and I'm really happy that I was included. But . . . .

They all spent the night describing their past, fabulous family trips away - and then their future, fabulous family trips away.

I know it's mostly down to my own lack of imagination, and fear of failure and the 'new', and I try really hard to not get maudlin about our situation, but I still do. Especially when beer is involved. Then I start to feel sorry for myself - and pissed off that my friends don't have mind-reading powers so they can empathise with me.

I'll be fine in a couple of days. And the 'I'm so hard-done-by' feelings will dissipate.

After all, I have:

• a beautiful son
• a beautiful girlfriend (just wish I could live nearer, and see more often)
• a great job
• a gorgeous house
• food in my belly
• lots of 'stuff'

Maybe I'm more worried about turning 40 than I thought I was?

UPDATE: Organised a swimming trip for this afternoon - self-pity is now on hold.