This might be the one and only mind dump - but I need to get stuff off my chest.
I was invited out for a curry with friends last night. This was great, a lovely night - not too late - not too much beer. But . . . .
It was a table full of 'normal' family folk - Dads and Mums, with kids at home. Just me as the odd one out. I'm used to being the only person flying solo on nights out, and I'm really happy that I was included. But . . . .
They all spent the night describing their past, fabulous family trips away - and then their future, fabulous family trips away.
I know it's mostly down to my own lack of imagination, and fear of failure and the 'new', and I try really hard to not get maudlin about our situation, but I still do. Especially when beer is involved. Then I start to feel sorry for myself - and pissed off that my friends don't have mind-reading powers so they can empathise with me.
I'll be fine in a couple of days. And the 'I'm so hard-done-by' feelings will dissipate.
After all, I have:
- a beautiful son
- a beautiful girlfriend (just wish I could live nearer, and see more often)
- a great job
- a gorgeous house
- food in my belly
- lots of 'stuff'
Maybe I'm more worried about turning 40 than I thought I was?
UPDATE: Organised a swimming trip for this afternoon - self-pity is now on hold.
Just so you know, I can relate in a way. My spouse may not be deceased, but he is away. A Lot. When he is gone and I am invited places with "normal" non-military (or military where the spouse is home) I ALWAYS feel to be the third wheel.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kat. I know I'm full of self-pity - there's many worse off than me. Just like to wallow now and then. I'll snap out of it later. Have a great rest of the day, and thanks for the blogger help.
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